Saturday, September 10, 2011

Rate of Motivation

(I open my notebook to write life’s lyrics without background music… and find myself speaking without words.)


In high speed, my thoughts travel using only inspiration as fuel. Mornings are brighter, nights are warm and filled with life. Driven to find the right path, I am reminded of the beauty derived from living a positive life. To comprehend self-consciousness is to build a foundation for progressive existence so please excuse my note-to-self, but “You have work to do.” I am unsatisfied; completely motivated to pursue anything that would help define me. Lost in goals, I identify with personal achievement and not with a life that is complete nor desired. The love of being in motion involves chasing the stars, but from earth. Life… what a wonderful diversion. My mind is occupied with thoughts of how to make a foundation of creativity. Distant from anything that does not challenge me, I look to a source of knowledge to further advance my understanding. Overwhelmed by philosophy, my concept of self-awareness gives purpose to target the explanation of the principles in which I continue to uphold. Ascertaining information that would theoretically instill ambition into my character is necessary for me to be provided with a formula to enhance my perception.

I am tired… torn from the reality of making a difference, but only temporarily… as I’m losing endurance to continue with the same amount of drive as yesterday. Taken from a position of greatness… and reduced to sweat and muscle pains. Psychologically deprived of dignity, I am left with no tolerance for weakness and adversities.  Awakened to defeat that which has come easily, I will not continue. If only my mind could be empowered by an outside force, I would tell this force that a change is needed to regain my strength. It would have to follow me everywhere that I go and remind me that life is more then just a moment to reflect on imperfections. Should I be honest enough to consciously take responsibility for my own thoughts, my experiences would help me understand that which symbolizes my rate of motivation… but, I am tired. I am sick of being under consistent pressure to live a sensible life. Instead, I would prefer a distraction that will help me to forget about the past and focus on how to reach Level 11 before lunch. Wondering, hoping, and making nothing of these useful talents is how I kill time. I could change the world but, I would rather change characters on this video game that I’ve completed five times already. I could drink fruit punch, make two sandwiches with melted cheese, and not join the public gym. Interested only in propaganda, I watch the news discuss topics that I am not fully informed about to gossip with others that share my view… one which is lacking in value. Possessing only a strong opinion, I am challenged by those who are informed, more so than I. Making friends is hard because I can only relate to others who are just as unimaginative as I am.

Please excuse me while I pardon myself of any logic determining my motivation for accomplishing that which I set out to succeed in. I have much to contemplate now that I know it is possible to choose my destiny. Questions will have to be asked to acquire knowledge on how to differentiate inspiration from despair. Following this route that leads to a road called wisdom will not be easy. I was told that wisdom is the key for discovering the mystery of self-purpose. Once I reach the point of predetermination, I will be forced to make a decision. Presumably, most people who establish priorities based upon morals set standards in fulfillment of executing goals.

I am tired of being intellectually misunderstood. I am a doormat for circumstance, weak and unreliable. Refusing to move at this moment, I pause, finding comfort in knowing I have a meeting with my limitations later this evening. Will I be too late?

Published in the Lincoln Eagle.

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